In the morning I mentioned my leaving, I started to unerstand somethings about things between my parents and I. Like how I was controlled by my guilty toward their love, and the trading behavior between us.
They are so nice to you: helping you with every difficulty, taking you anywhere you want, giving you anything you need....when they are permitted. 'You are loved under permission' it says. Thus you feel so guilty when you are doing, or even just wanting something they didn't give a permission or agreement. They even don't have to say 'no.' They just keep silent, and that's enough to make you feel bad.
In my side, I learned to show my love via the way of obeying their rules and fufilling their wishes since it is almost impossible for them to tell their rules and wishes. And I did not know how to show how I feel to them. Therefore I learned that, to show my love, I become a smart and good child, I don't make trouble for them, I follow every rulse in school, I study hard to be a good girl, and good girl are always permitted and praised.
What I want is not the point, to fullfill what your beloved want is.
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